The First Message Problem: Why Most Dating App Conversations Die Early

We talk a lot about red flags once you’re in a relationship. But what about before that?

Before the first date. Before the chemistry. Before you even know if the person on the other side is worth your time.

This week, we’re looking at something deceptively simple: the first message on a dating app. Because sometimes, the biggest red flag isn’t what someone says. It’s that they don’t say much at all.

— The Kay Reports Team

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“Hey.”

If you’ve ever wondered why your dating app matches don’t go anywhere, you’re not alone. According to Mashable’s guide on dating app messages, generic openers like “Hey,” “What’s up?” or a single emoji rarely spark meaningful conversations.

👉 Source: How to send better dating app messages

Low-effort messages often signal low effort overall. Not always. But often enough.

— The Kay Reports Team

Dating app fatigue is real. With endless swipes and notifications, attention spans are shorter than ever. That means your opening line has seconds to create interest.

Searches for how to start a conversation on dating apps and best first message examples continue to trend upward globally. People don’t just want matches. They want responses.

According to dating coaches quoted in similar conversations across media outlets, strong openers share three traits:

• They reference something specific from the profile
• They invite a response, not a yes or no answer
• They show personality without oversharing

“He messaged me ‘Hi beautiful.’ I ignored it.

Another guy messaged, ‘You mentioned loving bookstores. If you could get locked in one overnight, which section would you head to first?’

Guess which one I replied to.”

Lesson: The difference wasn’t attractiveness. It was intention.

If you’re searching for dating app conversation starters that work, here are practical tips drawn from the Mashable article and relationship experts:

Mention something specific from their profile. It shows you paid attention.

Instead of:
“Hey.”

Try:
“I saw you ran a half marathon. Was that your first or are you secretly competitive?”

Questions that require more than “yes” or “no” keep conversations alive.

Instead of:
“Did you have a good weekend?”

Try:
“What’s your ideal way to spend a Saturday with zero obligations?”

People can tell when a message feels recycled. Authenticity stands out.

Overly intense or overly long first messages can feel overwhelming. Keep it light but thoughtful.

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While we’re talking messages, here’s something important. Scammers often use scripted lines that feel generic or oddly intense too quickly.

Be cautious if someone:
• Declares strong feelings in the first few messages
• Avoids answering personal questions
• Immediately tries to move you off the app

A good opener builds connection. A manipulative one accelerates it.

A first message isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present.

Dating apps can make everything feel disposable. But a little effort goes a long way. You don’t need a clever script. You just need curiosity.

Sometimes, the difference between being ignored and being remembered is one thoughtful sentence.